Oprah Winfrey is adored by the public. Millions; through the silver screen, allow her into their homes and between their children every single day. Why is that? What makes Oprah such a loveable and influential person?
There are many skills that make Oprah who she is but there are a few CRUCIAL and KEY skills that without them Oprah wouldn’t be Oprah. And very, very few people know about these skills or how to master them. Today I’ll share with you one of those skills and I’ll explain to you exactly how it works. Hopefully by the end of it, you’ll posses a skill that’s incredibly rare to find.
Keep in mind that if you’re a life coach this is an extremely powerful skill to have. So listen up.
Quincy Jones once said that Oprah: “… does something that most people don’t have a clue about. She knows how to listen. And she listens not just with her head. She listens with her heart and soul”
Have you ever been described as a good listener?
Practice what you’re about to learn and you’re guaranteed to be described as an extraordinary listener that people will open up to and connect with just like Oprah’s audience opens up to and connects with her.
Listening is of four types:
Cosmetic listening is when you’re pretending you’re listening but you’re not. Think a man watching a football game and his wife trying to share with him the latest soufflé recipe she just discovered. He’s nodding and making “listening noises” like aha, uhum but he’s not really listening to a word she’s saying. As disconnected as it may sound, this type of listening has its uses. For example, it could be used when someone is ranting and they just need to talk to someone to vent if a bit, even if this someone is pretending to be listening.
Conversational listening is what most of us do every day. It involves listening to what others are saying, then getting into your own head to think about what you want to say then saying it then listening then thinking then talking and so on. The focus is shifting between yourself and the person you’re conversing with.
Active listening is what you do when you’re life coaching someone. It is when you’re intentionally focused on the person talking to you. You’re aiming to genuinely understand the message they’re trying to get across. You ask questions to fill in the gaps they might have left. Unlike conversational listening, you don’t share your stories or experiences just yet. In other words, you’re less in your head and more focused on building a complete picture of what the other person is telling you.
Deep listening is the fourth and most powerful type. It is almost hypnotic and it’s more powerful than active listening especially if you’re life coaching someone. It’s as if you’re in a meditative state where your mind is completely silent and you’re fully focused on what the other person in front of you is telling you. By nature, this state is very elusive because the moment you’re thinking “OMG I’m deep listening” you lost it!
You need not be a life coach or life coaching someone however to deep listen. You can do this if you’re a teacher, a parent, a spouse, a friend or just a stranger. Of course it’s not possible, desirable nor recommended to deep listen for long periods of time. That’s especially true if you’re life coaching someone as that will require a fair bit of active listening too.
But in these moments when you’re deep listening, you’ll feel as if you’re experiencing being the other person. The other person will feel that no one has ever before related to them or understood them like you do… and rightfully so! It feels as if the entire world is melting down around you and that you’re the only two people left there. You forget about the big cheering audience, the rolling cameras, the bright studio lights or the fact that you’re live on TV. It’s just you and the other person in front of you and there’s this incredible and powerful connection between you that’s unique only to you two.
That’s what “listening with your heart and soul” is all about. And when you master this skill, you’re one step closer to being adored by millions just like Oprah or being the outstanding life coach that you are.
Soon, I’ll be letting you in on much more skills that Oprah posses and uses. Some amazing stuff is coming up so stay tuned.
Until next time,
Copyright (c) 2010 www.TarekCoaching.com – NLP Trainer, Life coach London, life coaching London, RESULTS Coach, Performance Consultant