I was on the train coming back home the other day, when we stopped in a field for a few minutes. Looking outside the window two white butterflies caught my eye. They were beautifully dancing in total harmony. Swirling up and down, floating around the flowers, gliding along the leaves, riding the wind with such tenderness. I couldn’t help but smile as they reminded me of some couples I know. And it made me wonder…
Is it possible?
I realise this is a controversial topic. Some believe having this complete harmony and extraordinary connection with your partner is possible. Others believe it is not. The following is my own personal belief. It’s your choice whether to accept it or not. Either way I hope you enjoy the read.
I didn’t believe it was possible, until maybe a couple years ago…
My grandma got really ill and she couldn’t take care of herself anymore. My grandpa; who is one of my favourite people in the world, took it upon himself to care for her. One day I was at their place for dinner. And it was then when I witnessed my grandpa sitting my grandma on the dinner table and carefully feeding her with his hand; bite by bite. Just like a loving mom feeds her child. He treated her like a queen. He told her how much he loves her and how she is his precious princess. It’s one of the moments that will live with me forever.
I wish I knew about life coaching and NLP then as I did now. Having learned what I learned now and having understood the importance of modelling, I would’ve asked my grandpa what his secret is. Coming to think about it, I’m going to do this very soon! But meanwhile, how about we speculate and, together, come up with a hypothesis. I’m not suggesting anything. We’re just wondering together…
That’s where it all starts. When we hear the word ‘relationship’, we assume we’re talking about our relationships with others. What about your relationship with yourself? How do you treat yourself? How do you talk to yourself?
Do you remember what you said to yourself when you looked last in the mirror? Do you remember the thoughts that ran through your head? Did you say things like: “no one likes you”, “you’re such a failure”, “I hate myself” etc. If so, I wonder… how do you expect a good relationship with others if your relationship with yourself is out of order?
Only when you get your relationship with yourself in order you’ll then be able to enjoy relationships with others. I was 17 years old when I learned: “I can’t make everyone happy!” So I decided I’m going to make myself happy. Then I’m going to help the people that matter most to me be happy. And when you take on the attitude, your circle of happiness expands. But always remember, your circle of happiness can only exist if it has a reliable centre; you. If the centre is not there, the circle will be jagged and it will look like everything but a balanced, even circle.
The more of a solid, happy, reliable circle centre you become, the bigger your circle will get. The bigger your circle will get, the better chance it will have to overlap with another circle, which will result in little happy circles and you living happily ever after in circle land.
Let it Grow
Just like your circle of happiness expands, it’s important to realise that so might the circle of your significant other. If only one of you grows and expands, the other will become distant. Recognise that similar to you, your significant other might have the need to grow and expand. If that’s the case, it’s important to allow him/her to independently do that.
That sounds magical!
And it is. The more you invest in yourself, the more magical it gets. If you’re not willing to invest in yourself, the centre weakens, the circle shrinks, and shrinks and shrinks until there’s only one dot left; you. And if you don’t do anything about it, you’ll eventually be obliged to leave circle land and you’ll end up living alone in dot land, which isn’t the most exciting of places.
There’s much more. But that’s a very good start. To stay on topic, what I can tell you for now is that when life coaching couples, values are of essence. If the couple’s values don’t align, it’s almost impossible for the relationship to work. Love and attraction strategies are extremely important as well. And last but not least, the art of listening and communicating is key, and that’s not only for men! To find out more about this, don’t hesitate to contact us.
Until next time,
Copyright (c) 2009 www.TarekCoaching.com